So, I need to tell you guys something: I quit my job. Well, that sounds harsher than it ought to. I retired? At least for now. I'm going to try the stay-at-home-mom thing (although, I prefer "leave-the-house-any-time-I-want-or-need-to-mom") and see how that works out for us. And since I knew I wasn't going to be taking an actual maternity leave, I decided to be done a few weeks before my due date, to have some time to rest up and hopefully accomplish all the crazy little things that I want to get done. And I'm glad I did, because I have had visitors for the last 2 weeks, and it has been awesome to not have to worry about work!
Warning- I might get a little ranty here...
It's really weird to explain the "stay-at-home-mom" plan to people. I've learned that there are very strong opinions about this decision (as with every parent-related decision: it's insane!). A handful of women go into rants about how it's the best decision ever, and they stayed home with their kids, and they just can't believe that everyone doesn't do it. Another subset seems to think I have betrayed all women by abandoning my career for the menial task of taking care of a baby, and won't I be so bored? And how will I pick back up if I want to start working again??? The good news is that most people seem okay with either option, and just say they are happy for me, and we go along on our ways.
To be 100% clear - I know plenty of amazing parents, some of them stay home, some of them work part-time, some of them work full-time. They all love their kids and are doing what works best for their own families and their own situations. (Apply this logic to pretty much every parenting decision anyone can make).
So for me, for my family, for right now, quitting my job is the right decision. I'm super excited that I won't have an end date to staying home with my baby. If 3 months go by (or 3 years), and I want or need to go back to work, maybe I will. Or maybe I will never have a job again? I really don't know.
And I might get in trouble for saying this, but I keep seeing posts on Facebook or wherever about how stay at home moms should get paid x-million dollars a year, because they are the daycare, and the laundromat, and the cook, maid, therapist, blah blah blah. While I do think it's important to value parents who stay home, that kind of thing annoys me. Moms and dads who work also do the laundry, right? Also cook dinner? Also care for their children the majority of the hours in the week? I mean, I've been working for the last 8 years, and no one says I should get paid extra for vacuuming the living room on the weekends. It's called being a person. Sure, I could hire a personal chef to cook for me, and it would cost $13000 a year. That doesn't mean I should get paid $13000 a year to feed myself. Right? Okay, don't hate me for saying that!
Oh, and I still get to like weekends because it means John isn't at work. So Happy Friday!
*this is the outfit I wore on my last day of work, a couple weeks ago. The blog is all out of order at the moment!
Cardigan: Gap factory
Scarf: JCF (top 10 remix item)
Tee: Target maternity
Skirt: Macy's
Love this post Andi! Yes, you will find that no matter what parenting decision you ever make there will be people who will love you for it, hate you for it, or be completely ambivalent about it. I keep saying you've just got to do the best you can with the information you have right now. And do what's right for you! In Canada we get a whole year of maternity leave, and after we had our first son I went back to work. I absolutely loved my job, but it was the hardest thing I had ever ever done. When we got pregnant with our second son we knew right away that putting both our boys in daycare would basically equal my paycheck and it didn't make financial sense for me to go back. So I didn't. Now I work for myself! There are always going to be pros and cons of any parenting decision - but as long as you're keeping you, and your little babe happy and healthy, than that's what's important.
ReplyDeleteAnd now onto other seriously important things: how cute is that skirt! I just love it on you!
Tea
www.whatmamawear.blogspot.ca
I agree with SO MUCH of this post, Andi. I get so frustrated with all of the talk of who earns what or who doesn't, and why SAHM don't get credit or get too much credit, and working with kids is right or wrong, and I think it all boils down to a case by case basis. There isn't a universal right or wrong - do what is right for you, while it is right for you, and if it needs to change, for any number of reasons, or no reason at all, just do it. Congrats to you guys for making that decision - I'm sure you'll love having that extra time in the beginning to be with baby and settle into this new life!
ReplyDeleteYES YES YES (to your rant). I never thought that there was any fuss about being a SAHM unless your kids are in middle school or high school and you really do nothing all day except watch soap operas and do all the stuff most people have to cram into the weekend to accomplish. But that's not to say that I approve of it or not, just that I feel like I would be bored being a SAHM if/when my kids are in school. At the end of the day, it seems like the kind of people who have to justify their work, their lives, or even their identity are doing so for some deep-seated reason, not because of what society says. [end rant]
ReplyDelete[wait, no, there's more] I also think that being a SAHM is a luxury, because to me it means that the dad is earning enough so that the mom doesn't have to work. (At least that's been the case with all the SAHMs I've known.) But ultimately there are so many relevant factors that go into the decision that there's no way to make a judgment about all SAHMs. And that's fine by me!
DeleteMy mom was able to stay home with me until I started kindergarten and then she went back to work. We were able to do so many fun things that I have such fond memories of. I'm with kate on the SAHM thing. If your kids are in high school and you don't miss an episode of maury... well, that's completely different than having a baby at home that needs 100% attention. Thankfully, after my mom went back to work, there were family members to come care for me (and my sister) and it worked really well. I don't think anyone should feel shamed or have to defend their situation. What works for one won't work for another.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations!!! I hope that's an amazing feeling for you! It was really hard to come back to work after 10 weeks home with our son and I think if staying home would've been an option I would've jumped at the chance. In my opinion ( for what it's worth, which isn't much!) there's pros and cons that come with working or being home, it's all about what feels like the best fit for your family. Wishing you the best for these last few weeks, and a healthy delivery for you and baby!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing these thoughts! Bottom line, I think we are lucky ladies when we GET to do what works for our families - whether that's have a job part time, full time, or not. I hope you enjoy these weeks off before baby, and I am sure it'll be so nice to just enjoy the newborn days without having any impending work date in your future too. Congrats on everything :)
ReplyDeletegood for you going to be a SAHM
ReplyDeletewww.amysfashionblog.com
Good for you! I think you are right though. Whether you stay at home or go back to work, it's a decision you as a couple needs to make. The same decision won't work for everyone and there are pros and cons to both. What is nice is that you had the option to make a decision and didn't feel forced to go back to work just for the financial aspect of it. It's frustrating to me when people have such strong opinions one way or the other because there are so many right ways of doing it!
ReplyDeleteJeez Andi, you just make so much darn sense! Haha. You really laid this out there so reasonable and sensitively. I agree with so much of what you said. I'm excited for you to take this next step in your life!
ReplyDeleteWhat a big decision! I think you are absolutely right that it's a very personal decision, and I think it's great that you're keeping your options open for the future. My mom was a SAHM for my whole life, and I'm very glad I got to spend as much time with her as possible when I was growing up :)
ReplyDeleteOh Andi. I love you. It sounds like you and John made the right decision for your family right now. I think it's really unfortunate how people feel like they need to comment on and judge others for their parenting decisions. I know that you and John are smart, reasonable people, so it's not like you're going to make some impulsive or uneducated decision with regards to raising your son, you know? You sound really content with your decision to stay home and I think that's wonderful :)
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