Wednesday, September 17, 2014
On a Serious Note
Blogging is weird. I write posts about 5x a week, but my writing tends to be pretty superficial. I like clothes, and I like talking to people about why we wear the things we wear and how to style things in new and interesting ways (or just classics that always work). Sometimes I talk about what I did that weekend, or the weather, but I don't go into a lot of details about my life. I'm okay with having a blog that isn't super deep, but sometimes it feels like I'm not being 100% honest.
I definitely don't want or need to share every little thing that goes on in my life. I tend to share the interesting or fun things, like going to musicals, traveling, or hanging out with friends. And sometimes I will whine a little about having a cold, or my washing machine breaking, or falling down while taking outfit pictures. But sometimes there are bigger things going on that I don't share. I don't want to over-share, but I also don't want to give an unrealistic view of my life. It's a hard balance, but I think I've erred on the side of under-sharing so far.
There's one big thing that I've almost mentioned several times, but I always stop myself. I don't know why. Well, I do know why - it's because I don't even like telling people about it IRL, so sharing on the blog seems even more intimidating. But here goes...
In the summer of 2013, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I started noticing random joint pain early in the year, but like a typical 20-something, I didn't go to the doctor. Instead, I self-diagnosed using WebMD and decided that I just had carpal tunnel. So I got a wrist rest for work. Shockingly, it didn't help.
After a particularly painful week in June 2013 (terribly timed around my work conference in Orlando), I called my doctor and after several visits with several doctors, I was officially diagnosed. But I really didn't like the specialist who diagnosed me, so I switched to a good one, who had an 8 week waiting list. On and on, it seems like everything takes forever. Around September, I finally had a doctor that I liked, and some idea of what was going on!
The thing about RA is that they don't really know why it happens or how to cure it, so it's all about managing as well as possible. For those of you who don't know what it is (which I didn't until I had to), basically my immune system is confused and attacking my joints. So it's pretty painful. But I also hate the medicine options that seem to all have long term side effects. Like yeah, my knees hurt, but I also don't want to maybe go blind in 10 years. So it's pretty frustrating. But ultimately, I'm just trusting God and praying for wisdom in dealing with this issue.
It's one of the reasons my goals were so fail-tastic last year, and why I haven't been doing goal updates this year. It's also why I've been gaining weight. The pain makes it difficult to do high-intensity exercise, and the meds make it difficult to lose weight. And my emotions make it difficult to resist baked goods. So it's kind of a trifecta of doom.
The good thing is that I feel almost normal sometimes. I also have a great doctor, and a wonderful support system (thanks husband, family and friends!). These health issues also inspired my move to working part-time as of December. This is another thing I haven't mentioned, because I didn't know how to explain it without giving the whole drawn-out story. I'm still working 5 days a week, but just shorter hours. It's really helped me prioritize exercise. So I'm grateful for that option at my current job as well.
So why am I even blogging about this? You'd probably never know, other than the fact that I've been getting rid of uncomfortable shoes and stocking up on more comfy options. Like I said, I've almost mentioned it a few times, and always talked myself out of it. But I really appreciate other bloggers who share their struggles, so I figured I should stop being weird about it and just share mine. I don't anticipate blogging about RA very often, but I just wanted to put it out there. So now you know.
And I couldn't do all of this without outfit pictures, so I picked one of my favorite dresses (aren't they all my favorites?), in one of my end of summer outfits.
Scarf: Calvin Klein (similar)
Dress: Limited (similar, similar)
Belt: Steve Madden (similar)
Sandals: Target (exact, similar)